I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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