So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
