some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
