I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
