Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
