i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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