Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
