It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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