watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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