I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
