I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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