So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
