you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
