Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
