I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
