do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
