I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
