seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
