i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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