i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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