my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
