If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
