At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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