They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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