are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
