After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
