This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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