Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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