I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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