I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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