either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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