I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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