In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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