good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
