Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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