worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
