How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
