he wants to bone in the snuggie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your cock deserves a montage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
