U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
