Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
