Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
