Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
