there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
