ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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