Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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