I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
