yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
