So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
