i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
