its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
