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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...

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• (310): View more from California

  Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.

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• (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so proud of us for not dying.

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• (448): View more from

  My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes

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